“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” The Song of Solomon 6:3
Their eyes and bodies expressed such awe and reverence for each other. They found their “bashert” and sang out in unison “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine”. Under the “chupah” they built with a canopy and four poles, they “davened” together in waves of pure ecstasy. It is said in the Hebrew tradition that when two people join in love, a voice from heaven announces the merging of the souls. In Hebrew your lover or spouse is your “Bashert”, which means destiny. The word for prayer , ” Daven” comes from the same Latin root as the English word “divine” and emphasizes the “One” to whom the prayer is directed. Davening is done silently or out loud, or chanted through song. When one davens they also rock back and forth, bending and bowing in reverence. In every moment we have the choice to “daven” and consciously bless, honor and love our “bashert” as the divine. It’s this kind of conscious recognition and connection that aligns and sparks our energies to co-create and experience true mojo with another. Our relationships stay juicy and alive when we remember to greet our beloveds with humility and respect, as if we were entering a sacred temple in Greece or India or greeting the Dalai Lama or Amma Chi. In Hebrew, the words for bride and groom are kallah which means Queen and chatan which means King. We create sacred sexuality when we remember that we are in the presence of the beloved Queen and King and express unconditional compassion, honor and love. This devotion creates a holy supportive environment to love and pray in. Sacred sexuality is such a potent and effective dance, where beloveds pray and bow to the One, the holy source and ascend into sacred and mystical states of consciousness and ecstasy together. Life in a body is a pure blessing in that it offers us a divine opportunity to feel the manifestation of spirit as deep pleasure and raw emotion, through Sacred Sexuality. When we approach sexual union as a holy journey we get to consciously explore and transform our own personal relationship to intimacy and sensual aliveness and recognize and heal any wounds that stop us from loving and feeling, and expressing our true nature. In the Hebrew tradition couples do a personal Yom Kippur by fasting, reflecting and praying from dawn until their wedding ceremony the next day so they can be more aware of and connected to their own body, mind and spirit before they enter into sacredness with their beloved. Like any ritual or ceremony, it’s important to ground ourselves and be centered before we unite with another.
For me when I forget (Yes I forget and its not fun) to relate to my beloved in a loving way, its usually because I am more invested in “being right” than I am at “being close.” When I am fixated, whether it’s consciously or unconsciously, on being right, I am also not connected to my body. How can I feel another if I am not even aware of my own body experience? So what I have found is my intimacy experience is heightened when I consciously connect with my own somatic sensory awareness before I enter the temple of my beloved, grounded and open, mentally, physically and spiritually.
Staying connected to your body alone and with your partner enables you to discover and discriminate subtle shades of feeling and sensation and enhance your visceral reality. Couples enhance communication skills and open a path for deeper truth to be revealed in the moment. This consistently clears the way for more intimacy. For instance a partner who stops during a kiss would share “I am noticing when I kiss you I feel my throat constrict and my chest tighten. I feel afraid right now”. By having this awareness and telling truth at this level, we are able to stay connected with ourselves and another and allow energy to move, creating an even deeper experience of intimacy and divine partnership. I know for my self when I am willing to express my truth and communicate sacredly with my partner as if we were under the “chupah” this opens a pathway to enjoy greater amounts of love and devotion together. As beloveds when we are willing to communicate and love each other with transparent truth, and remove all the veils of illusion, we then instantly create safe loving containers, “chupahs”, to “daven” in together. Then in unison we can fully embody and express, “I bow to thee, beloved. I bow to thee”